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    Herr Derbyshire

    The immigrant is fretting about the racial status quo in America and has an ideal solution for the immigration issue:

    One: That all legal immigration into the U.S.A., excepting only cases crucial to our national security, be halted forthwith.
    Two: That Congress authorize the federal government, as a matter of the highest priority, to construct high walls along our entire northern and southern borders, supplemented by electronic monitoring devices and manned patrols in much greater numbers than at present; and that Congress designate all necessary funds for this effort.
    Three: That by widespread and rigorous enforcement of employer sanctions, and greatly increased sweeps of suspect workplaces, and by responding with dispatch to citizen reports, the enforcement arm of our immigration services begin the human but speedy removal of illegal immigrants from our nation, by attrition and deportation; and that Congress designate all necessary funds for this purpose..

    There are a few dissents, of course. My favorite:

    "But Derb, I really think you're wrong about the racial-superiority thing."

    Fade out to Brokeback jokes, torture humor, and zygote rights. Ah, conservatism. I hardly knew ye.